How to Pray When You Don't Know What to Say

Why prayer feels awkward

Almost everyone feels self-conscious at first, partly because prayer is the only conversation where you cannot hear a reply in a voice, and partly because many of us picked up the idea that prayer needs a special vocabulary. It does not. The people in the Bible pray in all kinds of ways: formal liturgies, blunt complaints, one-line requests, and long silences. When a man in the Gospels cries, "I believe; help my unbelief" (Mark 9:24), Jesus does not correct the grammar of the prayer.

It may help to remember who you are speaking to. Christians believe God already knows what is on your mind (Matthew 6:8). That removes the pressure to inform him, and leaves the real question, which is whether you are willing to say it honestly.

A pattern from Jesus

When the disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray, he gave them a short prayer, which we now call the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13; Luke 11:2-4). It is worth noticing the order. The first three requests are about God: that his name be honoured, that his kingdom come, that his will be done. Only after that does it turn to us, with daily bread, forgiveness and protection from evil.

You do not need to recite it as a formula, though many Christians find it useful to do that. Another way is to take it a line at a time and fill in your own words. "Our Father": what does it mean to say that to the God who made the universe? "Give us today our daily bread": what do I actually need this week? "Forgive us as we forgive": who am I holding something against? A single line can fill ten minutes.

Our study of the Sermon on the Mount on Little Vine Rooted goes through the prayer in its context, including the surprising Greek word for "daily."

Using the Psalms as a script

The book of Psalms is a prayer book. It was used for singing and prayer in ancient Israel, and Jesus quoted from it on the cross. What makes it so useful is its honesty. About a third of the psalms are laments, and they say things that many of us feel but assume we shouldn't say to God. Psalm 13 begins, "How long, Yahweh? Will you forget me forever?" and then, within six verses, arrives at trust. Psalm 88 is the one lament that never reaches a happy ending, and it is still in the Bible.

A simple method is to read a psalm aloud slowly, then stop at a line that matches how you feel and pray it in your own words. If you are anxious, Psalm 94:19 says, "In the multitude of my thoughts within me, your comforts delight my soul." If you are glad, try Psalm 100 or Psalm 136. If you cannot find any words, the psalm will lend you some.

Several frameworks, and when each helps

Different frameworks suit different days. None is required. They are scaffolding for the times when your own words dry up.

What Romans 8:26 says about not knowing

Paul writes, "In the same way the Spirit also helps our weaknesses, for we don't know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit himself makes intercession for us with groanings which can't be uttered" (Romans 8:26). It is easy to skim past how remarkable this is. Paul, who prayed all his life, admits that he and his readers often do not know what to ask for. The Christian answer is not to try harder. It is that the Holy Spirit is already praying with and for us.

That does not mean you stop praying and wait for the Spirit to do it all. It means that if you can only manage "help," or only groan, you have not failed at the exercise. The Bible treats that as prayer.

When it seems nobody answers

Sooner or later you will pray for something and not receive it, and the Bible does not hide that this happens. Paul begged three times for a "thorn in the flesh" to be removed, and the answer was no, with a promise attached: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). In Gethsemane, Jesus prayed that the cup of suffering might pass from him, and added, "Nevertheless, not what I desire, but what you desire" (Luke 22:42).

Christians differ on how to explain unanswered prayer, and it is better to say so than to offer a neat formula. What the scriptures do consistently say is that God hears, that "no" and "not yet" are real answers, and that the right response is to keep talking, including about your disappointment. Our post on why God allows suffering takes the harder form of the question further.

A realistic way to start this week

Choose one time of day, five minutes, and one anchor: the first line of the Lord's Prayer, or Psalm 23, or the sentence "God, here is what is on my mind." Say it aloud if you can, because speaking helps a wandering mind. Afterward, write one line in a notebook about what you said. In a month you will have a record of what you have been bringing to God, and probably of some things that have changed.

If you pray with others, such as a family or youth group, it is normal to feel shy. Short prayers are fine. Nobody is grading you.